Secret 5: Check Whether You’re Both Headed in the Same Direction. And Keep Checking.

Over the past few days, I’ve told you four of the Secrets of Romantic Success. Here’s the fifth.

Secret 5: Check Whether You’re Both Headed in the Same Direction. And Keep Checking.

When the moon rocket left the ground, it was aimed as precisely as possible… and it would have missed the moon by tens of thousands of miles but for a feedback system that measured how far it was off the desired path and made corrections to get it back on.

The result? “One small step for man, one giant step for mankind.”

Similarly, even if you and your Perfect Partner are absolutely on track with each other, initially, you are two very different people. And each of you is following your own path. If, as is almost certain, those paths start to diverge unchecked, your relationship will eventually end up in frustration, bitterness, breakup or divorce.

To prevent that, you have to frequently check where each of you is heading and, if possible, bring yourselves into alignment so you’re again heading in the same direction.

To get started on this, do the following:

  • Each of you should independently list what you want out of life, getting as concrete as possible by using examples, memories and metaphors.
  • Alternating point by point, compare your lists. Note where you agree and where you diverge.
  • Create a strong baseline by celebrating and jointly daydreaming about your points of agreement.
  • Then honestly discuss the points of divergence. See if you can find pockets of agreement within those. If so, see if you can agree on expansions of those.
  • Then determine whether the relationship can comfortably include the areas of divergence.
  • If not, it’s time to get some help. In the next section, I have some suggestions if that’s the case.

Be absolutely aware, that if it becomes win-lose where you “compromise” by one of you giving up your dreams, things will eventually fall apart. Compromise in a relationship is another way of saying “delayed failure.”

Stay tuned because tomorrow, I’ll tell you about the Bonus Sixth Secret of Romantic Success.

If you’d like to learn more about this subject, click below to receive my new free eBook, The Five Secrets of Romantic Success.

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