In my previous Posts ( 4 and 5 ), I explained how changes in Context turn Self-Supporting Unconscious Habit Patterns into Self-Defeating Ones.
I call these Blockers, because these Self-Defeating Unconscious Habit Patterns block you from getting and/or being what you want.
A few common Blockers include procrastination, depression, binging, confusion, fatigue and perfectionism, among many others. I’ll discuss Blockers more fully and provide examples of the operation of the more common ones in my next Post.
In this Post, I am going to explain how such Blockers are expressed by your Unconscious and how to change them into Self-Supporting Unconscious Habit Patterns.
Once you do, they will work to increase your Successfulness and Quality Of Life 24/7/365 just as the Blockers previously worked to decrease them. And since that will all take place Unconsciously, you’ll just see the results in the form of increased Successfulness and a higher Quality Of Life or both.
Blockers Are Expressed By Subpersonalities
Subpersonalities are functional elements of the Unconscious that act as Stimulus-Response Machines.
Whenever you encounter a relevant Stimulus, your associated Subpersonality expresses its learned Response.
That’s what happens when someone or something “hits your hot button.” Whatever you call “hits my hot button” is the Stimulus and what results, such as you completely losing your cool, is the Response, the Self-Defeating Unconscious Habit Pattern.
If that Response increases your Successfulness and/or Quality Of Life, it is a Self-Supporting Unconscious Habit Pattern.
But if it doesn’t, I call it a Blocker, a Self-Defeating Unconscious Habit Pattern.
It is possible to change a Subpersonality’s Blocker Response into a Self-Supporting one but only if you approach things in a way that you probably haven’t encountered before in this Context.
How To Change A Subpersonality’s Blocker Response Into A Self-Supporting One
I am first going to talk about the Strategy of accomplishing this.
Definition of Strategy: A method or plan chosen to bring about a desired future.
“Hope is not a strategy.”
- Rudy Giuliani
“Creative without Strategy is called ‘art.’ Creative with Strategy is called ‘advertising.’”
- Jef I. Richards
Strategically, this is a 5 Step Process.
- Find the Subpersonality expressing the Blocker.
- Get its attention.
- Gain its cooperation.
- Effectively instruct it.
- Make sure that the intended change actually sticks, that the Subpersonality replaces the Blocker Response to the associated Stimulus.
Isn’t this familiar?
Isn’t this what you do to get anyone to change their behavior in your outer world? Well, the same is true with your inner world, your Unconscious.
I am now going to discuss each Step in some detail.
Step 1: Finding the Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality.
Think about how you would find someone you want to find whose name and appearance you don’t know, someone who demonstrates a certain behavior pattern or skill.
There are two ways that I am aware of. I call the two approaches:
- Situational.
- Functional.
The Situational approach involves looking for them in situations where they express the relevant behavior.
If I am looking for an expert on Blog design, the Situational approach might involve searching relevant Blogs and when I find one or ones that, based on appearance, links and comments, show that they are probably well designed, I can contact their administrators to find out who does their Blog design.
The Functional approach involves looking directly for people who express the relevant behavior.
Continuing my example of looking for an expert on Blog design, the Functional approach might involve running a Google search using the search term “Blog design expert.”
Conceptually, the same holds for finding a Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality and in Cybernetic Transposition, I have developed Tactics for doing so, both Situationally and Functionally.
Later in this Post, I will give you a link to two Chapters of my eBook system that show you the specific Tactics involved in successfully implementing the Situational approach. Properly implementing these Tactics consistently yield a nearly 100% rate of successfully changing a Subpersonality’s Blocker Response into a Self-Supporting one.
Step 2: Getting The Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality’s Attention
To make my point that you really need to get a Subpersonality’s attention before attempting to change its Response, here is a story about doing so in a very different context and with a very different approach.
A couple of mountain men encountered each other at the local fishing hole. Clem was thinking about buying a new mule while Harold had a mule that he was eager to get rid of. In most places, a willing buyer and a willing seller yield a pretty straightforward transaction. But in the mountains, folk are a little more wary. So the conversation went something like:
Clem said, “Sorry your mule’s looking so sickly. Hope she’s a-gonna pull out of it.” Harold replied, “Aw shucks, Clem. She’s just fine, what with slimming down for the summer. Why this old mule is almost a member of the family. I take better care of her than my wife. I wouldn’t think of letting anything happen to her.”
Then, with a pause he shifted into the sales pitch. “Why she’s so smart, you just whisper in her ear and she’ll do just what you tell her.” Of course, Clem was pretty skeptical so he said, “Why that sure is fantastic, Harold. Can ya show me a little of that?”
Sensing that he had a pigeon on the line, Harold made a big show of reluctance and then begrudgingly obliged. Standing alongside the mule, he lifted her right ear and quietly said, “Go straight ahead 3 steps, stop, go to the left 4 steps, go to the right 5 steps, go backwards 8 steps, and shake your head up and down.” Just as soon as he stopped speaking, the mule obligingly walked straight ahead 3 steps, stopped for a second, sidesteped 4 to the left and then 5 to the right, walked back 8 steps, and shook her head yes.
That was so amazing – what with mules being well known for their stubbornness – that Clem almost lost his cool and it was all over but the talking. Pretty soon he was the owner of the mule.
With Harold’s help, the mule walked herself into Clem’s truck and he was off to show his wife his new prize. Arriving home, he told his wife what happened and she exploded, yelling and screaming at how dumb he must have been to have squandered their hard earned money that way. “You take that no-good mule back to Harold this minute and either get our money back or shoot the crook,” she demanded.
“Shut yer mouth, woman. This mule’s even smarter than you are. Just watch!” Clem then lifted her right ear and, playing it safe, repeated Harold’s exact set of instructions. Nothing happened. So he tried the left ear. Still nothing. Then he tried the right again with the only result that the mule passed wind and kicked him.
Finally, his wife really exploded and pretty soon the mule was back on the truck. After a little search, Clem found Harold and said he was returning the mule. Harold responded, “Why sure, I didn’t want to sell her in the first place. But first tell me what’s wrong!” So Clem recited the whole sad tale.
With a pained expression on his face, Harold slapped his forehead, walked to the woodpile, picked up a 2 x 4, walked to the mule and gave her a good one right between the eyes. Then he told Clem to try again and, sure enough, the mule did just exactly what Clem said to do.
Pretty soon, Clem was satisfied. “But,” he said, “there’s just one more thing. What was all that with the 2 x 4 and hitting her over the head.”
“Ohhh!” said Harold. “Well, she’ll sure do whatever you whisper in her ear… but first you’ve got to get her attention.“
The Cybernetic Transposition approach to getting your Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality’s attention is nothing like what Harold did but the point is definitely the same. You have to get its attention before you instruct it in a new way of responding.
So, returning to the two ways of finding someone I described above, here’s how to do that.
Situational
Focus on the situations where you have found yourself expressing the Blocker and you’ll find the Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality there. Direct yourself toward it as if you know it’s there – and it will be. Once you focus on that situation, you already have the Subpersonality’s attention.
For example, if you became confused when you were reading a textbook, you had a Blocker running that made you confused. So remember that experience. Examine it closely and, as you do, know that the Subpersonality expressing that Blocker is present and, if Properly addressed, will adopt your desired Replacement Response.
Later in this Post, I will give you a link to a couple of Chapters of my eBook System that will show you how to do this Properly.
Functional
Focus on your experience of the operation of the Blocker itself and appropriately ask the Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality to come forward into your conscious awareness. If you ask properly and pay attention closely, you will find that it does just that.
Continuing with the situation in which you became confused, if you do so Properly, you can just say to your Unconscious something like, “Will the Subpersonality who just made me confused please come forward” and it will.
In a subsequent Post, I will show you exactly how to Properly communicate with that Subpersonality, through a process that I call Dialoguing.
Step 3: Gaining the Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality’s Cooperation
Done Properly, this is easy.
If not done Properly, however, it is nearly impossible.
The Proper approach involves two things.
- Respecting and Honoring the Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality
- Ensuring that this Subpersonality clearly knows that it s very important to you that it adopt the Replacement Response to the same Stimulus.
Respecting and Honoring the Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality
Remember that most Subpersonalities and their Responses were formed during early childhood.
Therefore, in general, to gain the Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality’s cooperation, you need to work with it in ways that work most effectively with a young child.
Every one of your Subpersonalities is doing its very best to make you successful by expressing the Response that was successful when it learned it.
But that was usually during your early childhood.
That Response has almost certainly never changed since that Subpersonality learned it – because that’s the way your Unconscious works.
So the Subpersonality is doing its utmost to make you successful by expressing that same Response 24/7/365. It is not aware that the Context has changed and that what worked when you were young does not work now, with your added skills, knowledge and changed situation.
In essence, therefore, the problem is NOT with the Subpersonality. If anything, it is a Management Failure on your conscious part that has arisen because nobody ever – previously – told you about and how to update that Subpersonality.
Because that Subpersonality is striving mightily to make you successful, it deserves your Respect and for you to Honor it. If you don’t give it those, it probably will not cooperate with your attempts to update it.
And because that Subpersonality has the age you were when it was formed, it needs to be approached as you would a young child whose cooperation you want to enlist.
That starts with Respecting and Honoring it.
My wife, Gloria, founded and runs the pre-eminent preschool in the Los Angeles area, The Walther School. It is tremendously respected by both its parents and the kindergartens that its graduates attend because of the remarkable social maturity, enthusiasm, joy, loving and skills these children demonstrate.
The essence of Gloria’s approach starts with Respecting and Honoring her students, one aspect of which is coming to their level and looking at them eye-to-eye when communicating.
Thus, the books that Gloria and I wrote about her approach are called Eye to Eye (and, if you’re interested, you can find them on Amazon by searching under Gloria Walther).
Here’s a relevant quote from Eye to Eye, Volume One.
“Several types of sounds can accompany your child’s play. There’s quietly focused play. There are giggles and soft laughter that accompany social play. There’s that loud, frantic screaming that comes with wild, out of control play that is leading nowhere except to potential conflict.
When you respond to the latter with a gentle touch and soft tone of voice, you can guide your child into less feverish, more focused play.
In contrast, if you yell at your child because he or she is making a lot of frantic noise, they may well respond by increasing their volume and frantic behavior. Then you’ll have to yell louder to be heard. Eventually anger may arise, exacerbating the problem.
A better solution would be to start out by entering the situation quietly and saying softly, while gently touching your child on the shoulder, “I have a problem. This noise is hurting my ears. Can I ask you to please continue playing exactly as you were, using a softer voice?”
A better solution would be to start out by entering the situation quietly and saying softly, while gently touching your child on the shoulder, “I have a problem. This noise is hurting my ears. Can I ask you to please continue playing exactly as you were, using a softer voice?”
This allows them to feel in control of the situation.
Touching them gently on the shoulder is a so-called “pattern interrupt.” It moves a child from the emotional to the kinesthetic (sensory feeling) modality, and it’s a great way of gently and effectively getting the child’s attention while still respecting and honoring them. By asking them to help you, you give them a chance to honor you back.
When they lower the volume, it allows them to move from the frenzy that accompanied the yelling to a more focused play. And promoting focused play is valuable.
It helps your child play longer and fall more deeply into play, increasing their attention span.
So when you’re able to gently go to them and encourage them to just bring the volume down, they’ll be able to be more focused and you’ll be free of the anger that can so often follow. The starting point? Enter the situation in a neutral way. That means you need to be calm inside.”
Conceptually, the same is true of gaining the cooperation of a Blocker-Expressing Subpersonality.
Continued in my next Post….